DINNER BELL FOR THE DREAM WORMS by Jason Wuchenich
Published 2010 – LegumeMan Books/94p/Trade Paperback
More information and purchasing options HERE: LegumeMan Books

I began this book with an open mind. All I knew for sure was that Legumeman Books could be counted on to surprise me. So far, the four books they have put out have been so different as to defy categorising this new Aussie publisher. First, siction from R. Frederick-Hamilton in the book ‘Spare Key’. I know a lot of people thought ‘Oooohhhh, a new publisher of extreme horror’, but they were proven wrong when Matthew Revert’s ‘A Million Versions of Right’ was released. Here we had absurdist/bizarro rants of a diseased mind. Then came ‘Archelon Ranch’ by Bizarro author Garrett Cook, which I have not indulged in quite yet.

And then came Wookie, better known as Jason Wuchenich. Oh my God!
Like I said earlier, I began this book with an open mind, and soon enough I was lucky not to be continuing it with an empty stomach.
‘Dinner Bell for the Dream Worms’ consists of two tales, the first being the story of Lemmy, an incubus with a severe flatulence issue. Y’see, incubi need something to bring them from their own plane of existence to our level of reality in their physical form. In Lemmy’s case, he needs to fart to appear with us as a solid being of matter. To ensure he always has the necessary fuel to enable such a fart…er…feat, Lemmy restricts his diet to shit…yep, that’s right. He eats shit! Scat in all its forms; fresh, dry, old, still steaming from the sphincter, runny or as hard as jerky. He’ll eat shit all day long and half the night as well.
And he’ll LOVE IT!
Lemmy is a character that you really like from pretty much the moment you meet him. He saves this work from being just another potential entry for the WHC Gross Out Competition and channels it into a charming anecdote extolling both the power of love and the greatness of personal hygiene. Lemmy is so damn full of charm (not to mention faeces) that it’s impossible not to like him. He also manages to turn this faeces-filled tale into a charming love story. The characters are vivid and outrageous, the situations are delightful, the concept is quite well articulated and the dining experiences espoused therein are quite disgusting. Great tale of love, loss, humility and shit-sandwiches.
7.5/10 for Stinky Incubus. Well done, Wookie!

Part Two of the book is the apocalyptic tale Skank Clusters: For Sale!!
This second story is a little more grounded in reality, although still very out-there. Skank-clusters are the new taste sensation. Barely described so as our own sick minds can fill in the details, Skank Clusters are the newest confectionery to hit the market, taking the world by storm.
But there is a downside.
Sweet and delicious they may be, but they are also extremely addictive. They compel addicts to perform acts that are both unsavoury and unhygienic. The President of the US dresses like a skank and flashes passing cars on Pennsylvania Avenue, the Prime Minister of England is busted fellating transvestites (and enjoying it immensely) and the world rapidly falls apart as skank-like behaviour reigns supreme. It is left up to our two anti-heroes, Tuggy and Raster, to save mankind from trailer-trash Armageddon. I think I enjoyed the first story a little bit more than this one, but it was a hard call. Again, Wookie’s writing is charming, taking the head off the revolting subject matter. Short and sweet, this tale is satisfying with an unexpected ending.
7/10 for Skank Clusters: For Sale!!

So, all up and rounded down, a 7/10 rating for Jason Wuchenich’s ‘Dinner Bell for the Dream Worms’.

And a small message for Wookie…
Ay, you loco gringo, wasa fucksa matter wit chu?

Great Book, Jason! 😀

From the web-group Masters of Horror and SciFi, Triskaideka Books presents a new collection of terrible tales out tomorrow! Read it or weep…

Welcome to a world hidden behind the blinds of reality, a landscape waiting to be molded into a thing of pain and torture.
This anthology is not for the faint-hearted. The ideas, themes, and disturbing images portrayed within these pages will send your brain into overdrive on the road to madness.

This book is guaranteed to rob you of sleep at night by bringing you the nightmare you’ve most feared…

Carole Gill’s “Truth Hurts,” where a woman writing about douchey vampires gets her comeuppance.
A man is seduced by the lamia in “Ladies of the Scale” by Bob Morgan Jr.
Lee Pletzer’s “Teeth” will make you think twice about taking your son fishing again.
A boy gets revenge on abusive adults in “Devil Inside” by William Cook.
We go on a Lovecraftian journey with Jason Warden’s amazing story, “Once Seen.”
K.K.’s “The Visitation” will have you shuddering.
Mark Edward Hall’s “The Fear” makes a case against hunting for a lost relative.
Joseph Mulak’s “Wounds” evil deeds for the right reasons.
Angel Leigh McCoy’s “The Barnes Family Reunion”

One of my favorite parts of the book is the unrestrained gore, but if psychological is your thing, you’ll also find compelling stories within. When this book comes out, any horror fan would be a fool not to get a copy ~ A. R. Braun (no relation to GNB)

The one thing that stands out about this anthology is that no two stories are the same. Yes, they are horror, but each one brings in a new tasty scary delight. Triskaideka Books has done an amazing job of bringing all this talent into one anthology. There is no anthology out such as this and one that needs to be on everyone’s bookshelf at one time or another. Jumping into this world of darkness only brings forward the most compelling and interesting tales seen in a long time. It is worth the read and worth keeping for years to come ~ Shells Walter, Sonar4

More info: Avaliable here
Paperback Release date: 23-04-10. Only $9.99 (two week special). 12.99 after that.
E-version available here for only $1.99

I gave this five stars.
I don’t often give five stars at Goodreads, and in a lot of cases it’s more like 4.75 stars, ’cause there ain’t many five star books out there (IMO)
But there is the occasional gem, and this here tale by Joe R. Lansdale is one of ’em.
A horror/mystery/coming-of-age tale that just grabs you by the bollocks and yanks you ass-over-tit into it’s own little world.
Set in the early 20th Century, this book evokes a sense of time-travel, in that you feel a part of the era and the life that Lansdale describes. Robert McCammon does it, Dallas Mayr does it, King does it, a few others do it too. Lansdale does it as well as any of them. Brilliant, living characters, vibrant families, despicable rednecks, Klanners you just wanna kick in the nuts…they all live and breath between these pages.
So c’mon, take a little trip with the Gang in The Bottoms.
Meet the Goat-man, find a sliced up body, escape the Klan and don’t forget to go a-sleuthin’ with Grandma, now y’hear?

Five out of five for Mr Lansdale on this book. What a great author!

GNB

Just now I was working on a memoir of sorts, a collection (and hopefully appropriately time-lined) group of memories from what I like to call ‘The Dark Ages’.
I was writing about one time years ago when I went to a hippie festival and tripped on acid. Trying to put all the memories together when they’re affected by LSD at the same time is one awesomely huge task, and it only happened in drips and spurts. I had to sit here, all quiet like, and sink back into the time. Eventually, I got the section finished, and just sat there, thinking about how much I enjoyed it then, how much I would have defended my right to indulge at the time, and I compare it to how much I regret it now. It’s not like I did any lasting harm to myself using acid that time, but I may have and it just hasn’t manifested yet. Let’s wait and see.
What I do regret is the wasted time. As Pink Floyd said,
‘And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking.
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older.
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.’
There were things I did and things I ingested during those days that I regret. There were actions I took that I regret as well. Nothing too drastic; I never mugged old people or rampantly stole from people who were struggling anyway, but there were things I wouldn’t do again if I had that time over.
But there is the problem.
I don’t have that time over again.
I can either spend my time wishing I could change what has happened, or I can get on with my life and try to learn something from all those years of drug abuse.
I chose to learn.
I also chose to help make a difference to other’s lives. To this end I am studying to become a social services worker in the field of substance abuse. It’s the only way I know how to turn what should be a negative into something worthwhile.
So here I am, studying and writing about the years I spent in addiction, wondering if anyone will even read the damn thing if it’s published.
I guess if even one person gets something out of it, if one person gets a moment of clarity or a glimmer of hope from it, then it’s worth the time and effort to put it all down.
Well, I guess I’ll get back to work on it.
GNB

And here comes Bubba…

‘Revenge has never tasted so sweet (and slightly putrid). From the same G.N Braun who brought you “Boneyard Smack” comes this (admittedly revolting) tale. Strap yourself in for a bloody bout of comeuppance courtesy of the diabolical anti-hero, Bubba.’
~The Brothers Gunther

My latest short is now available for free download HERE!